I welcomed 2018 on an odd note. Odd only in the sense that I felt no need for a resolution or 'new year new me' mood. I continued some of the same shenanigans that I should/could have "left in 2017" into 2018 lol. Although my year 27 already began, this is the year I decided to take an internal deep dive to sort out my wants and needs in terms of my career. I want year 27 to represent organization but I realized I was still figuring out how to be happy while being all over the place. I needed to revisit my direction. So I decided to extend my new year until March 2018, where I'll continue with my projects and business goals then but I am focusing on me and what my own happiness looks like now! As simple that lol. I'm taking one step at a time.
This time to myself to has been enlightening thus far. The more I look around me, I'm seeing things that don't make sense. Our "normal" is not normal at all. I see people literally slaving for their needs and neglecting their wants and sometimes their health. I see people in love with money and getting ahead but not with the work that they do. I see people obsessed with both self and upward mobility, yet live in solitude as a result and not a choice. I was once that person. Honestly, I'm still detaching from those societal norms and defining my own norms. Are they happy? Was I happy? Since I can only answer the latter - I wasn't happy even though I had moments of content.
So what is this thing we call happiness? I find it just as ambiguous as love, even thought that's another topic. But as time goes by, I'm realizing that happiness is more of a self-defined word. Its embodiment depends on each person separately - it's what you do and don't make it. Everyone wears happiness differently. In fact, happiness is a continuous process, not just a word. It's something that requires constant effort and work. It's like a mind game! So this is what I'm trying to sort out, how do I define my own happiness and what does that definition look like for me? I know I'm not going to find whatever I'm looking for in a month/few weeks, but I don't want to make decisions based off of conventional rationale anymore. Where's the fun or creativity in that? As crazy as it may sound, I want to make decisions based on what aligns with my own happiness, as well as my needs. If that's what makes me eccentric, untraditional, or unconventional, (aka things I've been called) then so be it! This is a journey, one that I want to start on the right foot. As I work through defining what my happiness looks and feels like, l do know that I want to feel good about what I do, the work I do, where I work, and who ultimately benefits from my work. And if it doesn't feel good, I don't want to feel it. I don't always have to have fun, I just want to feel good about the end results. I think that is what I define as happiness.
There's much more that I'm discovering about my own happiness, and I'm building that foundation to continue with my goals in style (haha)! I want the way I move, conduct business, create art, treat my body, etc. to stem from my happiness. In fact, everything I do will be a product of me defining my own happiness. I'm going that person one day, regardless of my situation. The work has already started!