But This Is What You Asked For

So December has been a tough month for me… I CAN’T LIE! Mentally, emotional, and definitely financially, I’ve been going through it. Taking risks on yourself pays off, but damn, this stress is real (lol). It’s felt like one thing after another and a lot of it was out of my control. Not to go into too many details, my anxiety has spiked up and it’s been hard to deal. In the midst of wallowing in self-pity, a friend told me, “but this is what you asked for.” Granted, it is, but at that point in time, that’s not what I wanted to hear.  Just let me vent, you know? NO. He was completely right. This lifestyle is what I asked for. If this is what I really want, then I have to be ready to roll with the punches and find that gem within any situation. The glass is always half full Sash, always half full.

Up until this point, I was taking every loss without a care in the world. But for some reason, I was expounding on one loss and completely ignored the other wins that were occurring all around me. It dawned on me, what’s so different about now? Nothing at all. All the signs have BEEN screaming run back to your comfort zone and no, this isn't safe at all.  And I’ve disregarded and pushed through them each time before so what is REALLY going on? My friend reminded me that the world doesn’t stop just because I didn’t get my way and even though there’s a time to vent, the real work starts when you figure out how are you going to move forward and be better. You can’t ask for something and then expect it to come easy. Where’s the fun (lesson) in that?

Once I actually listened, my entire perspective changed. I took a deep dive into myself and how I handle adversity. I still have work to do. I need to be able to adapt and keep it moving. I have to navigate/resolve my relationship with control, in the sense that I can't freak out and my entire day/mood is ruined when things don’t go as planned. The sky is not falling. I have to reach the “how can I fix it” or “what can I learn/do better next time” mood way before the “this is ridiculous, I’m over it” mood. My first thought can’t be negative. I can’t internalize every issue or question myself - my abilities, my purpose, my business, my people skills, etc. I need to start acting like I’m built for this, because I know I am. Moment of clarity, my biggest challenge is me. Once I conquer myself, I’ll truly be unstoppable. There’s no telling where I’m going to go.

People are rooting for me and I can feel it now more than ever. More importantly, I am finally rooting for myself too! Never did I imagine what I’d be embarking on – or that I’d ambiguously document my qualms while pursuing my dreams. Everything I’ve said I’ve wanted to do, I’ve done it. And this is no different. Thanks friend! I'm closing out 2017 on a good note.